What a whirlwind of a year this has been! Our lives were forever changed for the better this past February when we found we were expecting a baby and then we go in and find out we were actually expecting TWO babies. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love being a mom to twins! I love all of my children so much. Funny thing, I always wanted 4 kids and well now I have them. :)
I have begun to realize over the last few weeks just how special this time is with these babies. When I thought we were done having children it didn't phase me that I wouldn't get a chance to do certain baby things again like I thought it would. HOLY HORMONES has it rocked my world the last few weeks as things are changing with the babies and they are growing more and I'm becoming just an emotional wreck thinking about how this is really the last time I will get to experience certain things about having a baby. I mean really, time needs to SLOW DOOOOOOWWWWWNNNN!
When I found out I was pregnant I was determined that I was going to breastfeed this child, baby wear this child everywhere I went, use cloth diapers and just be the crunchiest mama I could possibly be. Then I found out there were two and I thought okay I can still do everything but the cloth diapers because Lord knows I can't keep up with the laundry we have now, so I'm not throwing cloth diapers into that mix. Then the babies came early and things changed. So I became a pumping mama and was quite successful in the beginning. Then the babies started growing and my supply just couldn't keep up so we started adding some formula. We've come to the point now where they mostly get formula and I have been struggling with stopping the pumping. I don't want to because I know this is the last time I will get to experience this.
In the beginning it felt more like I wanted to survive the mommy wars of breastfeeding vs. formula feeding and I wanted to be on the breastfeeding side because I want to give my babies the best. I'm learning though that the stress I'm feeling every time I pump and don't get exactly the amount I think I need to get that I'm stressing about that and a stressed out mommy with no sleep isn't the best mommy that these babies need.
Moms let's stop the mommy wars. Let's stop judging each other. Let's stop feeling like we have to meet other people's expectation and let's START doing what is best for our family. If you're able to breastfeed and have the milk supply of a herd of jersey cows more power to you! If you aren't and have the supply of half a cow or no cow well formula isn't the worst thing you can do for your child. Don't feel like a failure like I have been because you're not. If you're sleep deprived and frazzled you can't be all that you need to be for your baby or in my case babies. If you can't afford a $400 wrap hand woven by women in Africa using fabric only found in Africa or even can't afford an ergo carrier but you want to wear your baby go buy a wrap you can afford or God forbid buy a stinking Baby Bjorn and wear that thing proudly! If you want to cloth diaper then be the best cloth diapering mama you can but if you can't get you some Pampers or Huggies or Loves or store brand diapers and rock those things!
We need to stop being our own worst critics and start encouraging each other and start being the best mommy we can be in our home. We need to enjoy our babies because before we know it we will be experiencing the firsts of our lasts and miss out on the memories that we will cherish forever knowing that we won't be able to experience these moments with these children again.